Gilmore Girls, “But Not As Cute As Pushkin”

We’re all dead here…though degrees of dead are debatable.

By David B. Grelck
November 30, 2004

Okay, yes, I know it’s been a while. I have a good excuse, really. My dog ate the reviews. Yup. Tore the hard drive right out of the computer he did. Uh-huh. Well, after that clever bit of storytelling subterfuge I’m sure you’ll trust me and my opinion on ever little thing from now on, right? Well, hey, I was getting hounded about pressing on. And I’d like to thank the hounds for reminding me that an Internet columnist without a column is just a loser. Yep. I AM that loser.


Speaking of subterfuge, hows about that whole “Next week on Gilmore Girls misdirection where not only was it not on last week (leading me to capturing an hour of Samantha: An American Girl Christmas on my DVR) and then tried to get us to believe it was the beginning of the end for Luke and Lorelai because they Godforbid have a fight. Anyway. It isn’t the beginning of the end. Er, wasn’t. I’ve got my tenses all screwed the hell up.

Moving right along. Rory is asked by the headmaster at Chilton to usher a young student named Anna around the grounds. This is something that completely thrills Rory who promptly goes out and buys everything in the Yale gift shop for the young girl. The girl appears to be buying into all of Rory’s “come to Yale for the history and knowledge” propaganda (which by the way makes Rory look like one hell of a nerd [That’s right, I said it] Oh God, Dave, again with the brackets inside parenthesis, when’s this gonna stop?) She’s with her all the way, taking notes on a particularly significant bench that has a whole involved story about it that David Mamet and JRR Tolkein couldn’t follow if they were taking notes together. That is, until Logan shows up and criticizes Rory’s book sniffing ways (That I find endearing, not nerdy) and suggests that Rory take Anna to the pub. That’s when it all falls apart. When Anna realizes there’s no curfew and you can talk to boys and leave the TV on and have sex. Oh, yes, the sex.

Which brings me to Paris and, on a completely unrelated topic, Liza Weil’s breasts. Good God, they’re HUGE! And they seem to have sprung up out of nowhere. (Oh, what do you expect? I’m a geek but I’m still a MAN! If you prick me do I not make lame jokes about the word “prick?” Damned right! Now there’ll be no more about Liza Weil’s spectacular bosom as I’ve a review to finish and there may be youngins areadin. That’s right. I’ve resorted to dialect. But something had to be said.) So Paris’ creepy counselor who seems to embody everything wrong with therapy suggests that Paris puts herself out there in the dateable sense. So she does a speed dating gig where she winds up complaining with Doyle in the corner rather than switching chairs when the music starts. And then there’s the sex. And I’m always in favor of Danny Strong getting some on TV. He’s so cool.

So after they see the stuff with the sex and see Danny Strong in a frightfully short cotton robe, Anna decides she wants to see what other hidden joys Yale might have to offer and she goes off on her own. Marty being me. . .I mean, Me being Marty. . .I mean Marty being Marty. Not me. Cuz I’m not on the show of course. Marty goes along to help his good friend Rory find Anna and of course gets all uppity when Rory doesn’t realize that a spectacular little embarrassing performance in one of Rory’s classes by Logan doesn’t prove that he’s after her. Marty is hurt because he’s apparently friend material, not dating material. He would get further if he’d actually say something instead of walking home to sulk, however.

Oh, and the whole “Luke has a big secret that Lorelai doesn’t respect the fact that he doesn’t wanna talk about” to-do from the trailer? Yeah, doesn’t amount to a whole lot. Luke’s father died on that day and ever since he’s had a “dark day” to grieve. And a boat. That he wanted to get rid of but Lorelai saved. And he was miffed. But that’s about it. Sure, there was some nice drama and character moments there. But WAY TO OVERSELL, WB! Why don’t you make veiled references to someone dying? Then there’ll be ratings!

Best geek reference: “I’m putting myself out there.” “It’s eleven o’clock at night, who’re you putting yourself out there for, Spike and Drusilla?” Oh glorious Buffy references. Three and a half out of five cookies. C’mon Girls, get back on track. You’re better than this soapy sensationalism!

Like Geek Girls? Check out Dave’s own personal stash at The Girls of Geekdom website. While you’re there, why don’tcha pick up a calendar? The good Lord would’ve wanted it that way for his birthday!